i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Threesome in a minivan. New low
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
