sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
