I can text with my tongue
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
