The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
