Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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