Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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