Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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