I met the friendliest cop last night
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
