Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
