I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
