if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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