He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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