Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
