You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
did i just pee glitter
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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