My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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