i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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