I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
All the doctor said was why
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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