conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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