she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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