I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
