She is in my trunk
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
