I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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