You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
