I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
