i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
