I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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