I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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