yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
