3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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