Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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