No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
All the doctor said was why
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
