He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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