My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
