just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
