Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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