Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
