i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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