walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i will never coherently bang her
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
