You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize