It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
