They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
