we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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