Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
