Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
