never play flip cup with pint glasses
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
