oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
