I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
