Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
