you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
