I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
