then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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