i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
