Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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