i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
