They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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