Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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