Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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