One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
