Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
