I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
