Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is Oprah even human
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
