ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
